WEDDINGS IN THE TIME OF JESUS:
See also “Ancient Covenants”.

1. Selecting of the Bride: The choice of the bride was not left up the groom but was made either by his parents or by his best friend. Even though there was a lack of freedom of choice, divorce was far more rare then today in the western culture. Perhaps we need to learn the lesson that love is something you do and not something that happens to you. The girl’s consent was sometimes asked but it appears that the father always had the final word. Jesus’ father selected us for his son. Ephesians 1:3-4 - “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the word.”

2. Discussion of the dowry: This was to be paid by the bride’s parents. Sometimes poor boys had to work off the dowry. Consider Jacob, Genesis 29:20, “So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.” I traveled to Israel in 1983. While we were flying, an Arab approached a lady in our party and offered her eight camels in exchange for her daughter.

3. Espousal - Betrothal ceremony: In some ways this was similar to the engagements of our day, and in some ways this ceremony was more like our weddings. What we would call their wedding was just a time of celebration and the beginning of the life together. There was no formal ceremony connected with the Hebrew marriage.

A. The Boy’s family would go to the girl’s home. A small rug was placed on the ground or floor. The boy was seated on one end of the rug and faced the other end. The bride’s mother, not father, ushered her in.

B. The bride was heavily veiled. It was improper for the groom to see the face of the one he was to marry before the wedding. Genesis 24:65 “’He is my master,’ the servant answered. So she took her veil and covered herself.” We meet Jesus at the betrothal, when we become a Christian. In our relationship to Jesus he is the one that is veiled to us. The bride was then seated on the rug close to and facing the groom.

C. The bride would then cup her hands and push them toward the young man. The groom would drop ten pieces of silver into her hands. The silver peaces were an heirloom that are passed from mother to son to bride through the years and were used only for the purpose of weddings. In our case the heirloom is the gospel. Oriental girls are taught, “He who places ten pieces of silver in your hand will love you.” After the coins are given the bride is now considered to be purchased. Acts 20:28-29 “...the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.” 1 Corinthians 6:19 “...you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” “Pieces of sliver” Matthew 26:15-16 “What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?" So they counted out for him thirty silver coins.”

D. The bride was then given many other gifts. Romans 8:32 “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all-how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

E. The bride is given many other gifts. Many more expensive but none more significant than the 10 pieces of silver. The bride is expected to guard the coins with her life. Luke 15:8-9 "Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, `Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.'”

F. The coins often had holes in them and on the wedding day the bride wore the coins on hooks in her hair or stitched to the woman’s head wrap as an ornament. On the air flight mentioned above, I witnessed a woman, evidently a new bride, who was warring such a head declaration. She wore the coins like a crown. (Revelation 2:10 “...and I will give you the crown of life.”

G. Again, the bride was required to guard her coin/crown and so are we. Revelation 3:11 - “I am coming soon. Hold on to what you have, so that no one will take your crown.”

H. Generally a ring was given. The ring was the guarantee that the groom would come back for the bride. In purchasing property we guarantee the owner that we will come back by giving him “earnest money.” Ephesians  1:13, 14 NIV “Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance....” “...in whom Ye also, having heard the word of the truth, the gospel of your salvation, -- in whom, having also believed, Ye were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, which is an earnest of our inheritance,” AMS. The New Testament Greek word for earnest is the word the Greeks use even today for wedding ring.

I. The espousal was so binding that the couple were considered married. To be unfaithful to the espoused was to be guilty of adultery. Deuteronomy 22:23-24 “If a man happens to meet in a town a virgin pledged to be married and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death--the girl because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man's wife.” Matthew 1:18-19 “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. Then Joseph her husband…” (NKJV). Christians are espoused to Jesus at baptism. Romans 6:3-5 “Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him ...” Spiritual adultery is punishable by eternal death.

4. Espousal interlude: There was almost always a period of time between the betrothal and the living together. The interlude may last from several months, for widows, to several years for virgins. Usually this period lasted less than one year. Genesis 29:17  “Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.” Matthew 1:18 “Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit.” All Christians living and dead are in the interlude period today. Often the interlude period was needed so bride could gather the dowry and the groom could prepare rooms for their new home. When the Jewish boy of Jesus’ day left this new bride at the betrothal ceremony he would make this statement. "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am” John 14:1-3. In Israel, due to limited cultivable land, there was a law that homes could not be built on cultivable soil. Homes, therefore, then and now, are built on the side of rocky clefts with one end of the house on stilts. When the first born son got married the family would level the space under the house and create a lower level room. This room was the first home for the new couple. During the interlude the bride was never to see the groom. All communication was to be conducted through the best man. John 3:29-30 “The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.” We will not come face to face with Jesus until the wedding feast. Are you ready to see your groom?

5. Wedding procession: Finally the hour for the marriage comes. The Jewish law stated that virgins were to be married on a Wednesday. Usually the hour was late. 2 Peter 3:9, 10 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. But the day of the Lord will come like a thief.” When the groom is ready, he leads his friends, a band of musicians and a group of singers from his father’s house on a journey to the home of the bride. A man with a trumpet alerts the town people and crowds from roof tops (were they were sleeping) watch the dazzling spectacle as the many lamps and torches show the serpentine trail of those going to meet the bride. The people from the roof tops often join in the happy songs and wish the groom much happiness. Matthew 24:30-31 "At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.” 1 Corinthians 15:51-52  “...in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.” 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 “For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

6. The wedding gown: The gown was white with gold thread embroidered in it. Revelation 19:7-8 “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.  Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear." Revelation 21:2 “I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband." Those coming down are evidently the Christians who have died.

7. The groom escorts the bride to his father’s house: Matthew 25:1-14 “At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep. "At midnight the cry rang out: `Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!' "Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, `Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.' "`No,' they replied, `there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.' "But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut. "Later the others also came. `Sir! Sir!' they said. `Open the door for us!'  "But he replied, `I tell you the truth, I don't know you.' "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour. We who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.” Revelation 21:3-4 “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

8. The wedding feast: As many from the community as could be properly served would be invited. Matthew 22:2-3, 9-14 "The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son. He sent his servants to those who had been invited to the banquet to tell them to come, but they refused to come. Go to the street corners and invite to the banquet anyone you find.'  So the servants went out into the streets and gathered all the people they could find, both good and bad, and the wedding hall was filled with guests.” Matthew 28:19 “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit...”

9. To decline an invitation to a wedding was a insult. Matthew 22:4-57  “...come to the wedding banquet.' "But they paid no attention and went off-one to his field, another to his business... The king was enraged.”

10 To come to a wedding unprepared was to be thrown out. Matthew 22:11-13 "But when the king came in to see the guests, he noticed a man there who was not wearing wedding clothes. `Friend,' he asked, `how did you get in here without wedding clothes?' The man was speechless.  "Then the king told the attendants, `Tie him hand and foot, and throw him outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.'

11. The marriage feast lasted from seven to fourteen days in which the people stopped their program of prayer and fasting in honor of the couple. Matthew 9:15 “Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.”

12. The feast: There was always plenty of food and drink for everyone. John 2:1-11 “On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus' mother said to him, "They have no more wine." "Dear woman, why do you involve me?" Jesus replied. "My time has not yet come."  His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you."  Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.  Jesus said to the servants, "Fill the jars with water"; so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, "Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet." They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, "Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now." This, the first of his miraculous signs, Jesus performed at Cana in Galilee. He thus revealed his glory, and his disciples put their faith in him.” They never served fomented wine at marriages because marriage was considered holy. (Light From An Eastern Window. This book also tells that the men took turns serving which explains Jesus’ statement above, “My time has not yet come.”) Revelation 19:7-9 “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come... Then the angel said to me, "Write: `Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!'"

13. The act of intimacy. The last act of the wedding was to escort the bride to her chamber. Here, in the privacy of his room he would lift the vale and view for the first time the one he had married, often with having never seen here before, (Remember Jacob and Rebecca). He would slowly raise the vale with a shaking hand. How thrilling and grateful he would be that his father cared enough for him to select one that was more beautiful than he had ever dreamed and more gorgeous than he deserved. When the vale was removed his eyes would-be fixed on her beautiful face. When the vale was removed he placed it on his shoulders to signify that from now on, her protection rested not in the veiled face, (which could have been ugly,) but on his shoulders. Isaiah 9:6 - “...and the government will be on his shoulders.” See Ancient Covenants

14. The wedding purpose: 1. So each could enjoy the others companionship to the fullest. Rev 4:11 KJV "Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. 2. So the bride could share in the wealth of the new family. 1 Peter 1:3-4 - “...and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you.” 3. So the bride might bear off spring. Rom 7:4-5 “...that you might belong to... him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God.” John 15:1-2  "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit.” In some countries a man can divorce his wife if she produces no children. 4. So the bride could be comforted by her husband and father-in-law. Revelation 21:3-5  “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!

Have you been espoused to Jesus? See The Way To Heaven.

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